I didn't choose the mom life, the mom life chose me.
But what happens if the mom life didn't choose me?
Yesterday, was Christmas Eve Eve. I spent my morning having an "Ovary Check" done to make sure I was ready to start another round of fertility treatment. At this point, they're routine for me. My husband came with me, which is a rare treat. Usually my appointment are schedule when he's working, and because there's so many of them, he isn't able to come.
My ovaries proved ready, and I was on the way to drop off my Letrozole prescription, listening to my new favorite Christmas CD #pentatonixcanibeinyourgroup, and I burst into tears.
This Christmas marks 6 Christmases together with my husband. It also marks 5 Christmases that I've spent not holding my own precious gift. Five Christmases when I would gladly give up all the presents in the world, to be holding my own bundle of joy.
I would give up my silent nights to hear the crying of a child who would one day call me mom, mommy, mama.
Why me? Did the mom life forget about me? Am I not good enough? What mistakes have I made that meant I was undeserving? Why can't I be one of those women who doesn't want to be a mom?
My infertility story, is riddled with questions, and not so many answers. But you know, what? I'm not alone. There are more couples than care to admit that they are also in the ever emotional boat.
Friend, if you are in this boat, please know that you're not alone.
Somewhere there is a woman who longs to have the mom life choose her.
She wants to gift her husband the news of telling him he's going to be a dad.
She wants to know what it's like to have a baby's first Christmas ornament hanging from her tree.
She wants to buy jammies that say adorable things like "Santa's Little Helper" or "My 1st Christmas."
About a year ago, I stumbled upon Waiting for Baby Bird and Elisha has so many good posts that speak right to my heart!
One of my favorites is her Guide to the Holidays - she has some great tips for helping navigate the infertile waters at a difficult time of year.